Saturday, September 11, 2010

Remember how to say NO!!!

What is it about this little word?  "No", is one of the first words that we learn as a child, and it is also one of the first words that we are taught to stop staying.

We come into this world with basic instincts, they are there to protect us and insure our survival.  A little child has no issues with telling you if they are okay with something or not.  They easily come right out and tell you to back off and give them the space that they need. 

Somewhere this "ability" becomes slowly trained out of us, until we agree to almost anything asked of us.  Oh sure, we are past the age of  "peer pressure" in the traditional sense.    There are however many places that we feel pressured in our lives and should be saying "no".

"Can we have my co-workers over for a BBQ this weekend?", "Mom I would like to start taking karate!", "Would you like to start a weekly play date group?", and it goes on and on.  None of these requests are bad things at all, but some times they can be the straw that breaks the camels back to a household already hanging by a thread.

I really enjoy being involved in my community, neighborhood, church, and extended family events, but I do not attend, help, or run all of them.  I try very hard to not overfill my schedule, or my family's.  Sometimes saying no can feel like the hardest thing in the world, but often times too many "yes" answers can exhaust us and leave us little energy for ourselves.

This issue seems to be one of the top two problems that people have who come to me for advice on clearing the clutter from their lives.  Why is it that we feel the need to justify ourselves and our schedules to others?  Simply saying "I am sorry, my schedule is too full right now.", can make a big enough statement to give us the space that we need.  It doesn't mean that we need to have a previous engagement at the exact time that we are being asked to "donate" ourselves.  Some times having too many things in the day or the week, is too much.  Don't we all need a down day?

Since this month we are working on things that we have been meaning to get to, try one that we all could use some improvement on.  Start saying "NO"!

5 comments:

kirstynn evans said...

This is a perfect post. I am one that hates to miss out on a good time... but when we have soccer, dance, and visiting teaching on the same day, it is rude to schedule a playdate for my "kids", just so that I can "shmooze" with the new mom in town. Saying "NO" has disappeared from my vocabulary when play groups are involved. Or dinners to a needing family. Or "guest appearances" on blogs. Or making lunch for the entire office. Or... you get the idea. Thank you for posting this... and, "NO" I can't make dinner for you this week. Although, not because I don't want to. LOVES!!!

Vanessa said...

Wow, I love this post so much! This is pretty much the number one reason we as mothers tend to get worn out. You expressed it so well, too. Thanks for sharing it, I really love your blog!

dawn said...

I wish I had been as smart as you at your age!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. I am very good at saying "no" to things and I wish all women were. Perhaps you and I should go on a speaking tour teaching women everywhere how to say "no" again.

-Anne

Jessica Adlard said...

Jessica...
You are my hero!!! This is my biggest weakness. maybe... Anyway, since you gave me permission earlier this month to say no, I have enjoyed it so much, that now it is really hard for me to say yes to anything! I think it's because I still need to say no right now, but I hope I some day can say yes again. ;) Love you!